New Year Champions

Champ #1: Cheeky doorman at the Red Star, Camberwell, New Year Party. It was 3.30am and I was patiently waiting for a man who had no idea about leaving. I looked towards Camberwell Green and as I snapped the view, he popped his head round the corner at exactly the right moment, causing me my first guffaw of the year.

Champ #2: Wonderfully tall, Laura, or Lorna, I couldn't catch her name, spent ages talking to Shyman who entertained the notion of sex with her and even discussed it, but was slightly put out by her enthusiasm for going back to her squat to take drugs beforehand. Her legs were unstoppable and I think Shyman was rather scared of her attractive confidence and wicked ways, but flattered all the same.

Champ #3: Sophie wore a great outfit, a combination of underwears which looked warm, funky and sensual. She was superbly hairy - on her head several wigs were piled, one on top of the other. The bottom one glowed green-yellow under the UV light. With her, Ben, who took quiet pride in his lovely girlfriend's outrageous dress.