Nothing Of Any Great Consequence

Today, I am turning off my mobile phone, as it is the day of number portability in the Deekster household. I was advised to "turn off my phone when I went to bed." I said, sorry mate, don't mean to be funny but, that doesn't mean anything to me. I don't do normal hours. I might be going to bed anytime. He thought I was joking, I could hear it in his call-centre voice.

We persevered, but once he assumed I was taking the proverbial, from then on, I got nothing but lary, frustrated grief from the smarmy git and after finishing the call when he point blank refused to tell me exactly which hours I had to turn my phones off I had to call back (another ten minutes listening to the o2 twinkles... you are in a queue... ) before I could confirm that the number change was scheduled from a woman who was far more helpful. "Yes you're in the system," she confirmed. I felt good about that and I gave her all the explanations for my not observing conventional bedtime that the previous call-centre-plonker had refused to countenance. She laughed, believing me, warming my heart in the process and doing so much good PR for her company I think they should pay her an extra thousand pounds a day. In some parallel universe I arrived at her call centre with flowers, we went out drinking champagne that night, dancing naked under the stars, later coupling in the long grass with the intensity of a supernova and a can of beans.

So, a week later, my two phones - the new one, the old one - are both off, while my number "ports" from one operator (the evil Orange) to the another (the saintly o2) and as part of the deal I now have the Sony Eriksson K800i.

"It’s here. A Cyber-shot™ digital camera and a small and sophisticated feature-packed 3G phone all in one. Bring the K800i with you and you have a 3.2 megapixel camera with autofocus, image and video stabilizer and built-in Xenon flash ready for any moment, anytime. BestPic™ technology lets you capture several images in quick succession with one press of the camera key. Pick the best. Delete the rest. A camera stabilizer function compensates any small movement of your hand when you’re taking a picture and shooting video. When you’ve taken a photo, you can share it straight away using Bluetooth™, multimedia messaging or blog it."

My new phone as well as having a stunning camera is a blog phone. I'm not sure what this means, but anyway, following instructions, it's now been blogged, entirely without problem, utilising my very own BlogOfFunk™ technology.

Sony Eriksson K800i much the same size as the old K750i but the extra 50 must mean grams as it weighs more like a PDA or even a proper camera, which I guess is what it is. It has a sexy rubberised outer layer which makes me feel rather pervy when it's pressed to the shell-like, during engagement in the long and in this weather rather sweaty conversations which I have been medically advised to avoid.

I was going to get the Nokia N91 since Nokia have developed a podcast application but... well, I like the ways of Mr Sony and Mrs Eriksson and their hybrid technology and do I have time to learn an entirely new operating system, new menus, etc? No clearly not, I am far too busy blogging about anything of little consequence, in order to take my mind off the heat, and the enormous amount of work I am doing despite being medically advised to take a break, and the news. I was planning to go to Cyprus end of August but I am having second thoughts.

This is how blogging works for most people, isn't it? It helps people get through their lives, does away with the pressing need for therapy and meaningful first person exchange, provides a neat and clean tidy table cloth to eat our lives upon; and you can thus avoid mention of anything more impossibly difficult to deal with, like the dreadful, sick, sad obliteration of a nation and its people.