Thick and Fast

When I was at art school, I was once taken by surprise by a very unexpected question.

"How do you like your women?"

The question was put in the relaxed environment of somebody's art space in a big shared studio, which catered for 150 students, though at any one time, the college would be only half-full. A bunch of us were sitting and sharing tea and conversation, someone was discreetly rolling a spliff. These were the early getting-to-know you days, we were a bunch of relatively new arrivals, all bursting with talent, ignorance and insecurity.

The question was directed at me, so I immediately took stock. There were five of us; two I knew and two I didn't. I didn't know one of the young women, who was highly attractive but also rather quiet and paranoid in a beautiful dark punk way. Concept/performance art. Then there was big smiling Sarah, slightly older with an incredible Cheshire cat dissappearing smile; she was cool, but highly politicised. Great big colourful painter. There was Mike the incredible junky, looking dazed but appreciating the warmth; and there was this odd, upper-class guy Aidan, who had asked the question, a propos of not very much.

I had a girlfriend, I found myself imagining her shock at this gauche anachronism, and her laughter at his line. How DID I like my women anyway? I had only known two, at least in the biblical sense, and they were chalk and cheese, so how was I to know? Mother, sister, school girlfriends... no, I was taking too long, by now these young artists were all waiting for me to say something.

Say something.

"Thick and fast," I said, then watched their faces.

Punky twisted her head violently to the side and grimaced, Sarah continued grinning, letting the words sink in, Mike instantly snorted with derisory laughter and blew all the contents of the Rizla he was filling all over Punky.

Aidan still gazed across with a patrician curiosity that said he was not long for this world.

"Like early morning yoghurt," I added, finding my tea thankfully finished and heading for the exit.

thick fast