Shock Shock Horror Horror, Shock Shock Horror!

Men: you cannot win. Give up now. Come out of denial. Accept your role, be the weaker sex. Science is finally showing us HOW MUCH of the future of humanity females are actually carrying around in their genetic handbags.

According to this BBC report, entitled Female chromosome has X factor, "The X chromosome - one of 24 distinct chromosomes found in human cells - is much larger than the relatively puny Y, containing 1,098 genes to the Y's 78.

This means that female mammals contain over 1000 more genes than males. To compensate for this, the female body switches off one X chromosome - quite randomly - in each cell, thus evening up protein production between the sexes."

This is where the scientists are wrong. Random has nothing to do with it. X chromosomes are "switched off" quite deliberately, or else women would be revealed as the supernatural creatures they actually are, and marriage would be forever abandoned. The actual parts that are switched off are well known to men, who seize on the "off" chromosomes to justify their own aberrant behaviour and 3 thousand year attempt at dominance. So what if women bash the car when they park it? They hardly ever kill anyone by driving too fast, which is why their insurance is 20% cheaper.

Ask the average man in the street what he thinks about women having 1000 more genes than men. They won't be surprised. What's 1000 pairs of jeans when she already has 2000 pairs of shoes? But, here's the Big Nub:

"Because males have only a single X chromosome, more genetic diseases have been found on this chromosome than any other," said Dr Ian Jackson of the MRC Human Genetics Unit. "One consequence is that boys have a higher incidence of mental retardation than girls."

Doh! Did I need Dr Jackson to tell me that? Me, with my 1st degree, my superb artistic ability, my supreme language mangling talent? Jesus it makes me mad! Don't they realise that Penis Envy is the cause of mental problems? Have they never heard of Hysteria? It makes me so mad, I am banging my head on the desk. It feels better now, but my hat won't fit. I might go for a drive to calm down.

I turn to an old song, cleverly written by a man in the style of a much older song, for some gender relief:

Space - Female of the Species A thousand thundering thrills await me Facing insurmountable odds greatly The female of the species is more deadlier than the male. Shock shock horror horror, shock shock horror! I'll shout myself hoarse for your supernatural force! The female of the species is more deadlier than the male. Oh, she deals in witchcraft and One kiss and I'm zapped. Oh, How can heaven hold a place for me When a girl like you has cast her spell on me? Oh, How can heaven hold a place for me When a girl like you has cast her spell on me? Frankenstein and Dracula have nothing on you Jekyll and Hyde join the back of the queue The female of the species is more deadlier than the male. For she wants to conquer the world completely But first she'll conquer me discreetly The female of the species is more deadlier than the male. Oh, she deals in witchcraft and One kiss and I'm zapped. Oh, How can heaven hold a place for me When a girl like you has cast her spell on me? Oh, How can heaven hold a place for me When a girl like you has cast her spell on me? Oh, How can heaven hold a place for me When a girl like you has cast her spell on me? Oh, How can heaven hold a place for me When a girl like you has cast her spell on me?

Ah, the way pop propagates grammatical errors. It's "more deadly" of course. He'll tell you it was intentional.