Sunday, October 03, 2004

Bush, Kerry, Kerry, Bush

The US Election. Bollocks, isn't it ? I am reminded of the late great Bill Hicks (now restored to my personal comedy patheon) and his comment about how little power any president has compared to the tiny cadre that actually controls America. Whatever program he is elected on, after he's got to the Whitehouse, they take him into a room and show him the JFK assassination - from an angle he's never seen before...

The reason I am at all bothered by this election is that the US's unbridled influence is so pernicious and complete. The voting constituency is largely in thrall of a media that trivialises everything. The incumbents have used the so-called War on Terror to move large numbers of US troops around the globe to encircle and control our fast-dwindling global resources. And as we know, Saddam was out as soon as Jeb had lied his brother into office.

In fact, since the fate of the world hangs on this election, and since if it just involves actual citizens of the Yoo Naated Stayuts it is bound to be as crooked as the last one (says Jimmy Carter), surely we should all get a vote. Iraqis certainly, as they are under US military control, and effectively US government therefore, should have a vote.

Since half the population of Israel is resident in New York, maybe to tip the balance back, in good old USA civil rights tradition, so should the residents of East Jerusalem, Gaza and the West Bank. Residents of Basra will have to wait for UK elections. Perhaps we could bring them into the EU as honorary Europeans. I wonder what France would make of that.

Maybe we need to ensure fairness by giving anyone who has ever watched the Simpsons a vote.

Here's a joke my mate Daggers told me:

Bush is electioneering in a school, and he invites questions from the floor.

Up gets Billy.

"My name's Billy, Mr President, and I have 3 questions."
"OK Billy, ask away." smiles GW.

"One," says Billy "Why did you invade Iraq without a UN mandate? Two, how come you're President when Al Gore got more votes than you, and three, where's Osama Bin Laden ?"

Just then the bell goes, and the teacher says, "Breaktime everybody!" and the class files out.

After break, GW says, "OK children, where were we ? Who has a question for me ?"

Up gets Jim.

"My name's Jim, Mr President, and I have 5 questions."

"OK Jim, ask away." says GW.

"One," says Jim "Why did you invade Iraq without a UN mandate? Two, how come you're President when Al Gore got more votes than you ? Three, where's Osama Bin Laden ? Four, why did the bell go 20 minutes early ? And five, where's Billy ?"

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