Monday, October 04, 2004

Olympic Streaking

I've been researching this for a while, and I can't find any references to this anywhere, so I guess it may just be an original idea. I like sport but let's face it, it's damn traditional and rather joyless in some respects. With this in mind, I have already invented several sports, notably Rock Jumping, not to be confused with Rock Climbing, or Diving - in which the participant simply hurls him or herself over rocks (a far more interesting obstacle than a hurdle or a highjump bar) - difficulty to be graded in terms of surface gradient and height - and most recently, Olympic Streaking.

The way I picture it, a straightforward 100 metre dash would be transformed into a spectacle of flailing limbs, one-legged hops, trips, falls, and discarded Adidas as they struggle to reach the finish whilst ridding themselves progressively of the kit they are wearing when the starting pistol goes off. Imagine the wonderful sight of the nude athletes pulling their glory faces in their full and magnificent natural state as they break the tape, their maximum physical exertion and will-to win laid bare, our view of their prize-winning bodies unhindered by sports fashion... behind them, one garment after another lying on the track in a carefully planned and executed speedstrip.

The Olympic athletes originally competed naked, so this simply returns to a time before Judao-Christian / Islamic body shame dominated our consciousnesses, with the added comedy benefit of seeing the athletes disrobe as they compete. As the sport develops, I fully expect to see undressing whilst in motion become a practised art, raised to a level of beauty, and that the Streaking Finals will be like watching a combination of Track, Field, Gymnastics, and Ice Dancing.

Of course, they will on occasion have to put up with the odd fully-clothed spectator running onto the track... but what can you do ? There's always somebody wants to spoil it...

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